I want Fresh Direct!

You know what I never see? I never see Mrs. Bear at the Kroger.

I go about once a week, clutching my coupons and checking out the dented meat for bargains. I see little old ladies and their nurses, I see moms with their whinging kids and I even see bachelors with stacks of frozen goodies and 24-packs of beer. But I don’t see Mrs. Bear, or any of the bears for that matter, roaming around my local Publix.

So this means that either that they don’t really shop at the supermarket, or they have home delivery of groceries!

Now I live in a reasonably metropolitan area, it’s not New York or Toronto, but we do have a very large airport. I figure that if any place is going to have a market that delivers, we’d have one as well. But NO! No market around here delivers. Pizza and Chinese food, but not groceries.

So how is it that the bears have their groceries brought to them in ultimate convenience and luxury? Why can’t I get that same service?
Where the heck is this damn forest anyway? Is it in Central Park? That would at least explain it.

What else is in their weekly shop? Obviously, the Charmin, but do they get honey, berries, nuts and porridge too? What about Chips Ahoy? Or is Mama Bear one of those matriarchs that monitors the crap level of the younger bears?

I used to want to keep up with the Jones’s, but now I’m really coveting the lifestyle of the bears.