Hello Canadian Charmin website! Turns out I've been going there for my Charmin Bear Bio's. How interesting.
In Canada the bears are more laid back. Probably because they have socialized medicine. I kind of wish they'd fly the Maple Leaf flag outside of their cave, or latrine or whatever they call their living space.
So here's something interesting.
Q. I’d like a Charmin Potty Training Kit; how can I order one?
A. We’re sorry, but we no longer offer Charmin Potty Training Kits. If you have questions, please call toll-free in the U.S. or Canada at 1-800-777-1410, Monday through Friday, 9:00 a.m. to 6:00 p.m., EST.
At one time there was a Charmin Potty Training kit! It contained a poster, stickers and a ruler. I know what you're thinking, but the ruler was to be used to measure the correct number of squares to use.
I MUST own this ruler! Does the number of squares change depending on the contents of the toilet?
The Bear cubs feature prominantly in the booklet. Let's wrap our heads around this for a minute. Potty training bears. Bears who shit behind trees. So what exactly are you training them to do? Shit behind specific trees?
Anywhoo, when you've successfully trained your cub not to crap his pants, he gets a diploma from Charmin University.
Ah, dear old Charmin. I loved my days there as a co-ed. The football games, the dorm parties, making fudge with my suite-mates...
I double-majored, Ass-wiping and Communications. I'm ready for anything!
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Charmin University is one of the least recognized universities out there, but it's known for its sports teams. One of the favorite classes jocks take is "Posterior Cartography", or how to find your ass with a map and a compass.
ReplyDeleteIt was there that I befriended D'Antoine "The Deuce" McElroy, one of the greatest tight ends ever to play the game. And of course, there was Robert "Stacks" Werdinger, who could fill the bucket in seconds at the basketball arena. Dare I even mention Jerry Sinchich, the great baseball player known for his suicide squeeze?
And the name of these great teams? Do you have to ask? The Bears. Many was the chant from an opposing university that they were going to Wipe the Bears, but they just didn't have the tools to do the job. Heh, the Bears have been to many a bowl game, and the bowl is usually filled to overflowing. The other teams claim that the Bears stink, but I poo-pooh that as jealousy.
Okay Mr. Smarty-Pants, maybe YOU should write the damn blog!
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